The reason for this page and the whole site is
* first ... to help me with my grief.
* second ... to help others, I wanted to know what to
expect. I think it helps to know what others are going
through.
* third ... to show everyone my wonderful son.
I hope I can be help to you. I know this
site has helped me.
I wish so much I had seen a site like this
to help me in the beginning.
January 2003
My husband and I were talking today and he said he
thought he couldn't have done a better job as we were
grieving over this last horrible year, through those
"used to be wonderful Holidays".
I told him... NO NO.. We both could have done a much
much better job!
The reason we did so poorly is that we didn't have any
support system, I had my Internet friends but he was
insanely jealous of them. I shared with them, I tried
sharing with him but he thought I should be a different
way than I was. He just got more and more angry!!! It was
horrible!!! and I didn't know what to do... I think I did
everything wrong
That is why I am working on Michael's site now. I want
to help whoever I can. plus it is helping me soo
much...
Well... after I had told him we could have done better
if we had known what to expect and what was "acceptable"
behavior. We didn't have a clue, why should we... we have
been taught all our lives to ignore death, that when
someone dies if they are Christian then they are in a
better place and we should be glad!
HOG WASH.
Yes, they are in a better place (praise God!! they are
in Heaven!) but we are not!!! The pain is unreal or
should I say 100 times realer than anything we had ever
felt.
In America we don't have a time set for mourning like
other countries. If we are fortunate people bring
meals... help through the first week,,, the obituaries,,,
the funeral arrangements and then with the funeral. Bring
a meal or two after... then they are done.... back to
business as usual ... and if we can't put on a happy face
and move on with life then... we are just wanting
attention and we just are not spiritual enough...
Boy I used to be that stupid! I wish I could have
learned the truth without going through all I
have!!!
I watched a show called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". At
first I didn't like it because it made me sad. Now if you
have seen this then you might wonder how in the world
would that movie make someone sad? At first I couldn't
put my finger on it. Then when I watched the commentary I
realized that I wanted a family that was so "into" each
others lives. The lady who wrote it made a comment that
they had lost family members and that her family would do
anything to be with the family that is left... all the
uncles and aunts and cousins and grandparents... They
were always there for each other, one loud obnoxious but
loving family. Just think how much faster we could heal
if we had family that realized the value of being there
for each other. Just like they were there for her
wedding, they would be there if someone was sick or
dying. They would help with the terrific load that the
mother has when her child is deathly ill for months and
then they would be there for the mom and dad when that
child dies and the months after when the healing needs to
take place.
I was so jealous of the what I thought was a fictional
family, but it turned out to be fashioned after what was
a very real family. Knowing that I have a totally
different view of the movie. I think we could learn from
the way Greeks look at family and life.
We American's should be ashamed of the view we have
on grieving, and all the hurt and suffering it has caused
so very many people, myself included.
In America people don't want to face grief, we ignore it
or try to hurry it up. Not only do we not face grief and
death we actually reward inappropriate grieving!
We praise those who do not show their emotions, thus
adding to their pain and time of healing. Mourning is
natural, as natural as birth and both are hard
work.
If you are just starting out I made this site for
you,
There is a time for
everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance
Eccl 3:1-2, 4,
January 2003
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My Child has Neurofibromatosis