The reason for this page and the whole site is
* first ... to help me with my grief.
* second ... to help others, I wanted to know what to expect. I think it helps to know what others are going through.
* third ... to show everyone my wonderful son.

I hope I can be help to you. I know this site has helped me.
I wish so much I had seen a site like this
to help me in the beginning.

January 2003   My husband and I were talking today and he said he thought he couldn't have done a better job as we were grieving over this last horrible year, through those "used to be wonderful Holidays".
I told him... NO NO.. We both could have done a much much better job!
The reason we did so poorly is that we didn't have any support system, I had my Internet friends but he was insanely jealous of them. I shared with them, I tried sharing with him but he thought I should be a different way than I was. He just got more and more angry!!! It was horrible!!! and I didn't know what to do... I think I did everything wrong
That is why I am working on Michael's site now. I want to help whoever I can. plus it is helping me soo much...
Well... after I had told him we could have done better if we had known what to expect and what was "acceptable" behavior. We didn't have a clue, why should we... we have been taught all our lives to ignore death, that when someone dies if they are Christian then they are in a better place and we should be glad!
Yes, they are in a better place (praise God!! they are in Heaven!) but we are not!!! The pain is unreal or should I say 100 times realer than anything we had ever felt.
In America we don't have a time set for mourning like other countries. If we are fortunate people bring meals... help through the first week,,, the obituaries,,, the funeral arrangements and then with the funeral. Bring a meal or two after... then they are done.... back to business as usual ... and if we can't put on a happy face and move on with life then... we are just wanting attention and we just are not spiritual enough...
Boy I used to be that stupid! I wish I could have learned the truth without going through all I have!!!

I watched a show called "My Big Fat Greek Wedding". At first I didn't like it because it made me sad. Now if you have seen this then you might wonder how in the world would that movie make someone sad? At first I couldn't put my finger on it. Then when I watched the commentary I realized that I wanted a family that was so "into" each others lives. The lady who wrote it made a comment that they had lost family members and that her family would do anything to be with the family that is left... all the uncles and aunts and cousins and grandparents... They were always there for each other, one loud obnoxious but loving family. Just think how much faster we could heal if we had family that realized the value of being there for each other. Just like they were there for her wedding, they would be there if someone was sick or dying. They would help with the terrific load that the mother has when her child is deathly ill for months and then they would be there for the mom and dad when that child dies and the months after when the healing needs to take place.
I was so jealous of the what I thought was a fictional family, but it turned out to be fashioned after what was a very real family. Knowing that I have a totally different view of the movie. I think we could learn from the way Greeks look at family and life.

We American's should be ashamed of the view we have on grieving, and all the hurt and suffering it has caused so very many people, myself included.

In America people don't want to face grief, we ignore it or try to hurry it up. Not only do we not face grief and death we actually reward inappropriate grieving! We praise those who do not show their emotions, thus adding to their pain and time of healing. Mourning is natural, as natural as birth and both are hard work.

If you are just starting out I made this site for you,

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance
Eccl 3:1-2, 4,

January 2003