((This page is going to be for me.
It will have things that I like, things I feel, and things people have said
that encourages me, for sometimes I need it so bad!.))
"Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted" (Matthew 5:4)
Let me not live a life that's free
From the things that draw me close to Thee,
For how can I ever hope to heal
The wounds of others I do not feel ...
If my eyes are dry and I never weep,
If my heart is cold and it never bleeds,
How can I tell what my brother needs,
For when ears are deaf to the beggar's pleas,
And we close our eyes and refuse to see,
And we steel our hearts and harden our mind,
And we count it a weakness whenever we're kind,
We are no longer following the Father's way,
Or seeking His guidance from day to day ...
For without crosses to carry and burdens to bear,
We dance through a life that is frothy and fair,
And "chasing the rainbow" we have no desire
For roads that are rough and realms that are higher ...
So spare me no heartache or sorrow, dear Lord,
For the heart that is hurt reaps the richest reward,
And God enters the heart that is broken in sorrow
As He opens the door to a brighter tomorrow,
For only through tears can we recognize
The suffering that lies in another's eyes.
Helen Steiner Rice
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I know God had a purpose why He called Michael home,
but it's so hard.
I tried all I could to save him.
I have been protecting him since he was born.
Up until he got cancer I had done an ok job.
I worked hard teaching him not only to read but to
deal with his disability. I never called it a disability until he started college.
I asked him to tell his teachers so they could maybe help him with test.
You see part of his brain had been affected by Neurofibromatosis.
His short term memory was defective.
Try as he might he could not remember things right.
He was in denial of this for a long time, but when he finally came to grip
with it he tried to understand what to do.
What a hard task. To not remember things the way they happened,
but not know which things you remembered wrong and then try to remember
that you remembered them wrong.
Then he had head aches almost all his life.
I would bet that most people who knew him had no idea
that he had any problems. He never complained until his back became an issue.
I didn't know until after he died and I had talked to others that
his back had been hurting for a long time.
I have no idea how long the cancer had been eating at his back.
He didn't tell me about the tumor on his leg because, at first he
was used to having tumors. But as it grew large I think he was scared.
He didn't want to scare me.
He wouldn't let me see it when he first told me. I really didn't think much of
it because I too was used to him having fatty mass tumors and I
thought this was just another one.
He always protected me in his own special
ways.
Even when he was very little he would try and comfort me
when he got hurt. He feel down a slide and cut his head open when he was 4.
I was 6 months pregnant with Jessica. He sat up and blood gushed from his head.
I freaked and with blood all over him he said "Mom I'm ok, it's ok."
He was so concerned for me. He had around 20 stitches. It was not a little cut!
I love my kids!
These pictures have been of my older kids and I.
I was much younger then, I now feel so old.
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My Child has Neurofibromatosis