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    A human being is a part of the whole, called by us "universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from himself, his thoughts and feelings, as something separate from the rest- a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. this delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to your personal decisions and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our tack must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole nature in its beauty.
                                        Albert Einstein
  • 3. Has your child's death incapacitated any areas of your life?

    Certainly. My sexuality, the intimacy between my husband and I, continues to be such a diligent job for me, now, rather than spontaneous interaction. I love, him, but sharing such a shattered heart, when I am traumatized and literally drained now, it is so different, and we grieve so differently, men and women, too, it surely does not build intimacy. I feel as though I have had major surgery, and there ought to be a visible scar and even draining from the wound, leaving a trail of blood behind me as I go through my days. My job at a local plant nursery, (seasonal), as I cannot emotionally bear to sell Mother's day gifts, when my own Mother's day is now so pain filled, and those folks who want Memorial Day plants, that markedly " to put at the cemetery and need no care"... very unhealthy for my mental health, period. I have a very difficult time with people now who are detached from other's pain, who offer platitudes, maybe they are afraid that we are contagious?? There are times, now, when I have to tune people out, to survive, them, and their callousness, and to be able to show them grace. Sometimes i just shut down, too much going on, outside, or inside, and retreat to sorrow, and walk through my earthquake devastated inner life.

    covered in questian 2, incapacitated almost all areas of my life.

    forgetfulness....no energy

    Again, I find it very hard at times to leave my house.

    I am terrified of babies. Of having more and of my family hving more. What if it happens again?

    When my second son was born, I was really unable to get attached to him, until he turned the same age Joshua was, when he died. David (my second son) turned 16 months old on the 18th of June, which Joshua would have been 4. I had a hard time talking to other people about how I was feeling

    Yes. I fear driving where once it was a form of relaxation and fun. I can't tolerate more than 3 or 4 people around me at one time or I feel suffocated. I have NO TOLERANCE for the whining ignorance that seems to permeate the world; nor for parents who don't cherish the gift they have.

    Absolutely, sleep is not easy. Depression is an every day thing. Seeing a child about the age, build, coloring of the ones we lost will cause a strange reaction. What did I do wrong? is a question I ask constantly. Why am I being punished? I WILL NEVER, EVER STOP THINKING ABOUT MY CHILDREN, I WILL NEVER, NEVER GET OVER THEIR DEATHS. Life is never again going to be the same.

    No area of my life is incapacitated. Functioning 100%----no. Still getting up and muddling through life-----yes.

    In a sense yes, I found that I didn't care about the house; if I got out of bed a lot of days, holidays and special days didn't seem as important. I really had to struggle to maintain a normal sense of everyday life for a very long time. All I wanted to do was think about my missing daughter and to communicate with people who understood me.

    I wouldn't call it being incapacitated but it definitely affected my faith in God for some time. I still have struggles.

    Physically no. Emotionally I`m completely rewired and still do not full understand my new wiring. I now understand much more than I ever possibly could about the grief world, my eyes are open to many facets in this dark realm. My temper has been elevated with a shortened fuse when it comes to unconsiderate people taking advantage of those who are struggling emotionally or are weaker and being taken advantage of. My emotions are not my own at times as far as crying or sudden feelings of loss.

    no not really ... when adam died i was bound and determined that my other children would not feel deserted .... even from the get go i didn't want them to feel that only adam counted..... and i don't think they did... many times while adam was growing up he took first precedent... he spent many months in the hosp in the first 6 years and when he went in mom went in so rachel and brian felt i chose him over them... when really there was no choice to be made.. now that they are older they understand a little better... brian was 19 when adam died and rachel was 23.....

    ALL!!!!!!!!! in the first year and even second year . I am functioning some better now as I am in the early months of my 3rd year!

    I stopped working. Have since then established my own business so I will not have to leave my home and deal with other people. It is just too hard. Takes too much energy to try to relate with others. I pretend to be ok, because I am not and never will be, but according to society we are supposed to be so I put on my mask and pretend.

    It has changed my life dramatically. I have to make myself get out of bed. Some days are better than others, but not by much. I used to bowl with a group of friends, and go out to eat with them etc. Not anymore. I only seem to be able to talk with other Moms who are going thru what I am.

    In some ways, yes. I couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes at a time the first five years after his fatal accident. I still find it very hard to do so.

    Completely stopped every aspect of my life. I didn't/couldn't work, couldn't take care of my surviving children, my home, my animals, myself, I didn’t bathe, I didn't brush my teeth, nor would I comb my hair, I prayed to die on a daily basis. It was like the world went on all around me but all I could do was watch, my world ceased moving on March 13, 2001 at 5:00 pm in the afternoon, my world ended that day and I am clawing my way out of a pit that I have been in for 21 months.

    Some days it has. I can't stop crying or thinking about him. For more than 8 months I couldn't sing at church so I quit going to the one I had went back to. I couldn't listen to songs very good either. I don't want to be alone too much, want to know where my grandkids and daughter are. They live with me and I get on their nerves, I am sure.

    In the beginning his death incapacitated every area, I couldn't go in his room, then when I could I wouldn't let the other kids or my husband. I was angry at God, I quit church for about a year. I didn't go in public a lot because I cried unexpectedly. Now I guess the only area I feel limited is that I have not watched any videos with him on them and I get angry if people ask and then say "well, I'll watch them with you" like I would let just anyone share that part of my pain!!!( haha)

    The one thing that losing my son has pretty much put a halt to is the celebration of holidays. Even Christmas. I go through the motions for the sake of my older daughter and her children. But as for me, I could get along just fine if I never celebrated another Christmas ...Thanksgiving ..... New Year.... etc. etc.. etc. This is the first year since losing my son that I have even put up a tree....and then it was just for the sake of my two adorable grandbabies.

    My sex life with my husband is barely surviving. I find no joy in the holidays, I'm paranoid and spend way too much time in counseling.

    My relationship with my husband is changing; I realize that I will need to reconnect with him, because right now, he doesn't count; my son does.

    Well, my babies were lost due to my health problem and I'm having a hard time with the fact that I may never be able to have children.

    My children's deaths have changed EVERY area of my life. Losing them stopped me from being me. I find it hard to concentrate. It's very hard for me to go outside of my comfort zone and my comfort zone does not extend beyond the walls of my home. I was NEVER like this before. I loved a challenge, now I hide from them. Incapacitated...absolutely and I'm 34 years down the road from my first loss. I do think that the repeated losses only compounded my symptoms. Maybe I could have recovered from one loss but not three. Every time I felt like I might be able to start to live again, something terrible would happen until I got to the point of not even wanting to try anymore. What was the point? If every time you get up someone knocks you down again, eventually you stop trying to get up and that's where I am. I function but there's a world of difference between just surviving and living.

    It did for many years, in fact up until a year ago i stayed away from family members with new babies, and friends as well, it cut me so deeply to see them so happy when my heart still bleed over my loss, it cost me my job 3 times as i was not able to deal with death at all and i work in a nursing home and when a resident would pass on me on my shift i would take it so hard and so personal, it is better now through the years, but it has left me with a different sense of what a full life means!

    Just being happy... I will never smile the way I used to again.. I am like a child myself, learning to live again.. taking baby steps and many times falling ..

    Yes the friend I told you about I no long speak to, other friend's that didn't even call when they were told or send a card I have stopped contact all together with these people. They are on there own, don't call me for sympathy or for a listening ear, you had none for me when I really needed you, now I have none for you. I'm not your savior though I tried to help you in the past I no longer have that capability to listen to their small problems.