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Why have I spent so much time on this site?

Celebration of Michael's Life!

What others say about Michael!

What happened to Michael

A MUST for anyone wanting to know how we feel!

Grief & Helps

More on Grief

My journey of tears

My Child has Neurofibromatosis

For me

I want to Laugh & Dance

Message from dad

Little sister, "best buds"

Poems by Grandma,

Poem by sister

I started writing our story

Youth for Christ Camp

Friends in Heaven

When Michael was young

Kitty wants to tell you something, Michael

hugs

My bio

Are we killing our children?

I would love an e-mail

or can sign a guest book

Awards

Gifts given to me, thankyou!

What people have said about this site

Long overdue Thank You's

Map

    "God gives the most obstacles to the person with the most character". I for one wish I could just be some boring, normal person with no big events in their life, and no character at all! ~smile~
                        Judy, Ashleigh's mom

These are from emails I have recieved.
They have been such a blessing to me


  • I still go visit your sweet Michael's site quite often late at night when I am not sleeping (can't some nights) I still think he is just so special and I know he and Krystal just love each other and are having so much fun.
    I hope that you will accept this award for Michael's site.
    Love and hugs to you Sweet Patricia and thank you again.
    Mag

  • I'm not sure to whom I should address this email. I happened to stumble upon your website while searching for Mother's Day stories and poems. Some how I clicked a link that lead me to your site. I believe it was God. Your story about your son was so very touching and moved me to tears. I am a young mom (28 to be exact). I have a toddler, a boy. I began putting myself in your shoes and can not even begin to imagine the pain and heartache you must feel. Thank God for your belief in Him!! Only the love of God could bring someone through what you have gone through. And for that I must say, my prayers are with you and your family. Even though there has been time to heal, I don't know that a mother's heart can completely heal after the loss of a child. I know that you know that there is that reassurance that you will see your son again some day. What peace there is in knowing Jesus. May this journey that God is taking you on be blessed. I know your story blessed me.
    In Christ Alone,
    Elizabeth


  • Hi {{{{{Patricia}}}}}}} To add to...Things people say that hurt us...
    YOU CAN ALWAYS ADOPT OR HAVE MORE CHILDREN........No, I couldn't have more children and if I had 100 children, not one would be the one I lost nor would one replace her.
    Thanks for sharing your Michael and all the helpful information on your site.
    God's Blessings, K~, MOM TO ANGEL M~, my one and only child

  • Patricia,
    You are amazing girl!! I just visited your survey sight and was very impressed with what you have done. I think your work will be a very important learning tool for those you have not experienced the loss of a child themselves, but want to try to understand in order to help those who have.
    I then went on to look at your art work, photo pages, and all the rest. I had no idea you were so talented! Your work is so cool. And one more thing, you have the most beautiful children I have ever seen!!
    Way to go!! Judy

  • Dearest Patricia....Micheal is sooooo handsome!
    I LOVE MICHAELS WEBSITE! So informative!!!!
    Beautiful job Patricia! Oh, ok, now, WELCOME to your small family, I am sssssoooooooo very sorry for the reason u r here, but we will help u all we can and thru your site, u have helped me already! I love it where it says "WHEN A PARENT DIES, YOU LOSE A PART OF YOUR PAST, BUT WHEN YOU LOSE A CHILD, YOU LOSE A PART OF YOUR FUTURE...." Well said! Angel Hugs to {{{{{you and Michael}}}}}
    Hugs......T~ /Our angels are smiling down from Heaven....... waiting for us!


  • Dear Pat,
    My name is Michael Anthony. I punched in my own name on google just to see what came up. Nothing about me, but more importantly I came upon your site. I am truly sorry for your loss of Michael. He must have fought so hard, just as you did. I know that you will see him again - in heaven. I'll keep his courgage in my mind when I feel like giving up.
    Actually, thanks! your site and Michael inspired me.
    Michael Anthony

    "Take the most difficult challenge you are now facing
    and turn it into the greatest opportunity to grow,
    simply by changing how you see it.
    Dead ends then become turning points."
    ~ Bob Perks ~
    thank you Pammi!

More emails

  • Hi, Pat! I hope you and your family are doing well. I've thought of you often since I found the site you created in Michael memory. It is something I've read and re-read several times now. I truly hope you are proud of yourself and the website. What a beautiful tribute to a special young man.
    Fondly,
    Mary

    This is a special responce to my site, because this lady found me looking for help for a friend of her daughter's who has Neurofibromatosis that has gone into sarcomas.
    May God bless this lady in a special way... and all those who search out ways to help parents who's children have deadly desieases!

  • Dear Patty,
    I have been looking through your web page and it is helping me so much in the loss of T~. we are christian's I was raised in a baptist church all my life,here it is 8 weeks after T~ is gone and I feel like all my freinds at church think I should be "over " it. we do have one couple who lost one of their children a few years abck and I feel like they are the only ones who understand. she even said to me the other night. "C~ I think Christians sometimes are the least sympathic,because they think that we should just say, they are in heaven and we will see them again so just move on." I do feel that way and it makes me so mad, because I am a different person than I was even 9 weeks ago when my very sick little boy was still alive. sorry to vent, but I know you understand.
    Thanks C~ mom to T~ 8/98--1/03
    I put my answer to her questian on two differnt places on the site. You can find most of it on the "Why have I spent so much time on this site" page


  • My name is A and I am 31 yrs. old.
    I have Neurofibromatosis2 and it has paralyzed me from neck down all but my left arm. I found out 2 weeks ago that I have been givin a year of life left. I have masses of tumors on the spine cervical 1-7. I now am seeing the pain you are going through by looking at my love ones and I am blessed to be so loved yet I hate to see them hurt.
    May the Lord bless you and I promise to give Michael a big hug for you when the precious Lord calls me home. love and prayers, A~

    HI PATTY, THANKS FOR WRITING ME BACK. I DON'T MIND AT ALL IF YOU GIVE MY NAME OUT FOR PRAYER. I LOVE READING YOUR WEB SITE, YOU WORK SO HARD ON IT. MY HUSBAND IS IN THE SERVICE AND IS TAKING SOME LEAVE TIME SO I CAN BE WITH MY FAMILY IN NORTH CAROLINA. I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW MY MOM YOUR SITE. I HAVE TOLD HER ABOUT IT ALREADY AND ABOUT SWEET MICHAEL. I HAVE SUCH A LOVING FAMILY. THEY ARE ALL TRULY GOD SENT. I LOVE SHARING PHOTOS AND ENJOYED LOOKING AT YOUR. I AM SENDING YOU TWO PHOTOS. ONE IS OF MY DADDY AND I ABOUT 4 YRS AGO AND RIGHT BEFORE I GOT PARALYZED. THE OTHER IS ONE YEAR AGO OF MY HUSBAND AND I. I WILL HAVE NEW ONES SOON. PLEASE FEEL FREE TO WRITE ANYTIME. AND THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR PRAYERS. LOVE A~
    Please keep A~ in your prayers as she and her family go through hard times.


  • Pattie, I really like, I guess, the outcome of the survey. It does help me some, to know I haven't been any different than many others. I haven't reached the one year mark yet and I am feeling very sad some days. It helped to read about others and I am sure God will bless you for helping ALL of us in another path of this dreadful journey. I hate it so much some times. It hurts and I am so tired of hurting. When will it end? Thanks so much,
    In God's Love,
    P~
    ( This is my reply however I could not mail it to her because she has aol blocking)
    From what I have learned from others, the pain doesn't end only lessens.
    I am at the year and a half mark and it seems that I have just started smiling again.
    Someday I have had a nice happy day. Not most days yet. They are still mostly sad.
    I am working on trying to learn how to be happy again. I don't feel like I am betraying Michael anymore.
    Thank you for your kind words.
    God's Grace, patricia bird

  • I was searching for a sight on Circle-C camp, and I stumbled onto your sight. It was kind of odd, because (as a teenstaffer) I have read all the Bunk Graffiti and wondered what happened to Micheal. Then, when I saw this sight I almost fell out of my chair. Are you Mike Spooner's mom?
    I never knew Mike, but a LOT of my teenstaff buddies did, and I felt like I knew him. Anyway, I am sorry for your loss. I know that he was a wonderful person, and he did so much for God, and for the camp. ~Heather H~
  • Yes Spooner is my boy. Thankyou for emailing me. I miss him more than I can tell you!
    So Michael left his mark in Bunk Grattiti also, hmmm :*)
    Pass on his site if you would to your friends that knew him. I want to make part of it for you teenstaffers.
    You see CircleC and Youth Front was the most important organization to him and where he had the most fun. I love to hear stories or just anything about him, it keeps him alive in my heart. God's Grace, patricia bird

  • I am so sorry for your loss of such a beautiful young child as Michael. It touched my heart and made me cry not only for the pain he was in but I could see the love he felt for his family, especially kids. You don't see that often with teens. May God Bless you and your loved ones. I can not even imagine losing a child..May God keep you strong.
    I lost a loved one. a sister to murder tho and I miss her very much..but does not compare to losing a child. Please let me know on your updates..It is such a beautiful site you have . Thank-you

  • what a loving tribute from a loving mom....it brought tears to my eyes to read thru your pain...eye too am on medication and eye still get depressed on the medication!!!
    Blessed are them that mourn 4 they shall be comforted.....
    Bless u Patricia
    s~


  • Hello Patty: I just signed your guestbook and I am so sorry you lost your dear, sweet son. what a beautiful web-site you made. I loved all the pictures and the letters & notes. What a sweet, compassionate young guy Michael was. You can see it in his face.
    I liked your page on depression. All of what you wrote is true. I had/have all those feelings. Hugs to you and your family. R~

  • Patricia~ I really try not to think about where we are going b/c it is too overwhelming. Unless of course we are going to your house and you are going to do a portrait of T~ for me~
    Hey, if any of you have not visited Patricia's beautiful sites - you must! Of course Michael is the most beautiful site and her precious Kitty's bday page (Alice in Wonderland - Awesome!) Also, her art - OMG it is out of this world!
    Love In Christ, D~


  • Pat,
    I have never thought of you as a taker! You are one of the best encouragers I know! And always giving. Of your time and your talent. You mustn't feel guilty for taking some time for yourself. We all need to do it. And you may think you're not a good encourager, I don't think I am either, but you never know, until you hear it from someone else.
    I am so happy that you are painting a mural for Kitty. You must not feel guilty. As you said, it was Michael that inspired you to pick up a brush again. He wants you to do it for her. We can't spend our lives regretting what we never got to do for our angels. They know we love them. But, I think they also want us to not wallow in our grief, but to remember the children we have here. Michael will see the mural and I think he will guide your hand.
    I understand you're wanting to encourage moms new to this journey. I do too. But, I feel that I can't do that, until I get myself in order. This last anniversary was one of the hardest, but coming out of it, I feel very strong. Who knows if it will last? But, I am going to embrace it, and hang on for as long as it does last. And I know, that I have some good friends who will be there when I need them. Right now, I am helping a few friends through a bad time, and I know they will be there when I need them.
    I am grateful for the group for being there for me. I am grateful that they allowed me to grow. And grateful that they let me go, when I needed to. That is what a support group should do -- support. I am glad they are there for you now. That is the best help for us. Others who understand where we've been and where we are going.
    Please keep in touch. I love your art, and would someday, love to "pressure" you into doing a portrait of my kids. I understand that you are not there now. But, when you are, WATCH OUT! Please let me see the progress of the mural.
    You are no longer a victim. You said that you want your life back and that is the first step. Cut loose the things that tie you down and embrace the things that inspire you. It doesn't mean forgetting Michael, it means honoring him, by living your life the fullest, and keeping his memory alive in your heart!
    Good luck! S

  • Your site is AWSOME! If has been a comfort to me. I was searching the net, not sure for what and I came across your site. (I am sure God led me there) Your son was lucky to have sucha wonderful mom.
    ...... It is so hard. I miss Malorie sooo much. Some days are worse than others, I'm sure you know that. Again, thanks for your site and the compfort it has given me.
    n, malorie's mom


  • I just was sent your site Wounded Hearts and I have to say what an amazing idea this is.. It is hard enough lossing a child but to go through it alone is even more hell.. God Bless


  • Hi, I lost my daughter in apr of this past year/'04.
    I just wanted you to know I"ve spent hours looking at ur site and and u've done a wonderful job. It was wonderful viewing his life. Your survey was really nice.
    I enjoyed reading what other mothers had to say...
    I have been told, in capital letters, its time to MOVE ON. I knew losing my child was so much more than loss of grparents, etc. but it was so good to have that confirmed.
    I have CRS (can't remember sh*t) just so many neat things on ur site, your son was gorgeous, and u definitely come across proud; kudoes lady, you did good job here : )
    thank you very much Patricia.
    God Bless.