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    ... weeping may remain for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
                                                          Psalm 30:5a
    Problem is that you have to go through mourning to get to morning  (can't wait!)

    Circumstances may appear to wreck our lives and God's plans, but God is not helpless among the ruins. Our broken lives are not lost or useless. God comes in and takes the calamity and uses it victoriously, working out his wonderful plan of love.         ~Eric Liddell~

  • 1. How is the death of your child different, worse, or not as worse, than other deaths or tragedies in your life? (If there has been other deaths could you state how they are related to you?)

    Brian's death has been much worse, than losing my grandmother, who was mother to me. His loss was sudden , a work accident, and due to company neglect... my grandmother's was health related. I always knew I would lose my dearest grandma someday, but I NEVER dreamed I would lose a Christ following, honorable, life loving, careful son.

    I have experienced several deaths: at age 17 my 19 year old brother died, I was pregnant with my Ben at the time. At 19 my dad died, he was only 42. My youngest brother died when he was 38 leaving 3 young sons. All these deaths were devastating to me but they did not incapacitate my life and are minimal compared to losing my son. More than a part of me died with Ben.

    It has been 4 month since my daughters death....i am surviving on Paxil and sleepingpill....if i think about her never coming home and walking in the door hollowing" I'm home" i get physically sick, my heart aches so bad that i feel it wants to burst into thousand peaces....life will never be normal again

    The death of my son has left a huge void in my life. A part of me died the day that my son died. I miss other family members who have also died but they do not feel my thoughts on a daily basis like my son does. My son's death is a whole lot worse to deal with than that of other family members.

    WORSE, I have lost 2 sisters, and a brother, aunts uncles, and a couple of friends. TO me it was worse, because this child was MINE that child came from ME, and it made me feel so helpless and alone.

    My daughter was a part of me, a part that lives on in spirit and in my heart

    Losing Amanda is far worse than any loss I have ever experienced. I have lost my parents, friends, grandparents, aunts, uncles, & a nephew in infancy. Losing my mom in 1992 was devastating, as we were very close as mother and daughter but also as friends. All of those losses pale when comparison to Amanda's death. Even with the assurance of eternal life and knowing that mine & Mandy's name were in the Lamb's Book of Life made this hole with in me lessen. My life assumed its natural flow after the other losses. All the loses before Amanda were my past, she was the future. In the fabric of my life, all of the other people were the fringe (once I had become an adult) but Amanda was the weft in the warp of my life. It is UNNATURAL for a child to predecease their parent.

    There is no comparison between the death of your own child and the death of anyone else. I lost my father back in 1977, he was my hero. I still ache for him, but losing a child is so much deeper than that. Losing my dad was hard, but it is "expected" that you will lose your parents one day. We are not supposed to outlive our children.

    I have lost my father, both grandfathers & grandmothers but none have affected my life as the loss of my child. As you know there is a special bond that you have with your children, you carried them in your womb for nine months. Not to lessen the impact on losing a parent or grandparent but it is definitely not the same. I have heard and read all my life how "unnatural it is to lose a child", that is an understatement. With a parent and grandparent you lose your past, but with a child you lose your future. How do you keep on living a "normal" life without that future?

    I have lost both of my parents, a younger brother, aunts, uncles and cousins plus a close friend and I have had three miscarriages, but nothing compares to the loss of my daughter Melanie. The closest to the pain, was the loss of my younger brother Joey, who died at age nine when I was nineteen. I was like a surrogate mother to him. But, Melanie's death was pure devastation and gut wrenching pain.

    I have lost grandparents and two friends. The deaths of my children were BY FAR the worst experiences of my life. Never could I have imagined the devastation of burying one of my children (much less 3.) My husband lost his father and he says the same...there is no comparison to losing your child.

    Jim Sr, The loss of my grandmother and Grandfather was very rough yet it was within the normal flow of life. They lived long lives and their children are still living and prosperous, each day having input into their children and grandchildren. My Son Jim Jr wa s18 years old when he died on March 02,2002. Jim Jr was my future, he was the fruit of my being in whom I had placed myself, my heart, my life and now he is gone, taking my future as well as his. Yes the loss of a child is more traumatic. Your future is forever altered and the complete unselfish devotion you have taken from yourself and instilled into this child will never be able to bloom into your name and family growth. Books could have and have indeed been written concerning this issue alone.

    In the last five years i have lost my father, step father, grandmother , grandfather, mother-in-law and my precious adam.... my step father was first and his loss was overwhelming he was so good to me in my life i truly loved this man he was there for me from age 13 until his death when adam was almost one in 1986.... i then lost my grandfather... that was a huge loss also ..even though he was 84 he had been a rock to me many times in my life.... then came my precious adam... and his death put all others in more perspective they were 67 (my step dad) and 84yrs... my adam was only 12 years old... he was not even old enough to date.... he had so many dreams.... i had so many dreams for him... even though he had a rare disease he wasn't suppose to die at 12... i didn't honestly think he would live to see 40 but 12.... adam had a rare disease called cystinosis.. only 500 children were diagnosed with this disease in 1987... adam had one of the most severe cases the doctors had seen... i homeschooled adam . and was his nurse and his mom the first time we were separated was when i left him in the morgue..... my precious boy ... i remember at the funeral home if i put my cheek against his it would warm up and for a few seconds it was almost like he was sleeping.... there were more deaths to follow... my grandmother died next followed by my mother-in-law and two years ago my father died.... i now look at their lives and think they had 80+ years to live... they choose what paths their lives would go... happy or not they had many years to find their dreams.... years my adam never saw...

    The death of a child is not anything like any other death in your life! Period!!! I am a Christian - my daughter Tiffany who was 14 and buried on her 15th birthday was a very strong Christian!!! She is dead! I died when she died! I am fighting with all that is within me to survive for the glory of God but it is not that easy. Unless you have lost a child you can not possibly even fathom what we live through each day. It has been 2 years, 3 weeks and 4 days since Tiffany died and to me it still feels like yesterday. By the way - that is NORMAL - whatever normal is now. I read the bible every day and prayed without ceasing (it seemed). I know the only reason I am still surviving is by the grace of God but I also know that God is the one who had Tiffany's life in His hands and chose to take her home on that day at that exact time and to be quite honest I am still struggling with that. I struggle with the lack of compassion and understanding in the church, in the world, in my family~ This world is clueless to the pain we endure and truly to the pain many endure!

    My daughter's death is like nothing I have ever experienced in my life. I have lost other family members, Grandparents, friends, and I was very sad, but the death of my child has affected every aspect of my life. If not for my surviving daughter I would not want to live. I go on for her, but the pain and the emptiness is overwhelming to me.

    Losing my son is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. He will be gone 2 years Feb. 19th, 2003, and it does not get easier. I lost my niece to a car accident when she was 17. We were extremely close as she was born when I was a teenager and I babysat her a lot. She was like my baby or so I thought. Losing her was nothing compared to the loss of my own child. I hurt really bad when I lost her and I am not trying to downplay my pain at losing her. I told my brother after I lost my son, "I just thought I knew what you were going thru. I didn't have a clue. " People who have never lost a child do not have a clue. I hope they never do.

    I lost my mother 10 months before I lost my middle son, Chuck. I lost my sister and one of my brothers. I can tell you from first-hand experience that as difficult as it was to have to let go of each one of them NONE of their deaths even came "close" to the absolutely indescribable grief I felt and STILL DO of losing my son and it has now been eleven long years since he left this world.

    this is the first time I have ever lost someone close to me, my child took her life and I think that made her death even more traumatic for me.

    I feel like my heart has been ripped out. I lost my father just 7 months before Jimmy's murder and I have not really grieved for him. Loosing a child to murder or anything is one of the worst things I can ever have had to do. My neighbor asked what she could do for me, I said bring him back. It seems worse to me. A child you gave birth to, carried through the 9 months and through life as long as he was here? How could it not be worse?

    The death of my child has been the worse tragedy in my life, and I have experienced almost all a woman can experience. The reality of losing your child far outweighs any nightmares, thoughts of what if that happened to me, The death of a parent, friend, pet( haha), The "almost death" of a child. and almost any horror that you yourself have lived through. However, this far into it I can say that by trusting the Lord, I have seen Him in ways that others cannot, unless they walk this valley as well. ( I have lost my father, my niece, same age as my son only 2 years later, grandparents, many teenage friends, and others not as close, also my daughter when she was 4 was not going to live, but the Lord healed her)

    I have lost both my parents. Though I loved them dearly and miss them dearly, the loss of my parents can't begin to compare to the loss of my son. It is the natural order of things that you plan to have the need to bury your parents. It is not meant that we should have to bury our children.

    I lost my son Hunter on Dec. 01, 1999.. 2 months after that I lost my great grandmother, 2 months after that I lost my precious son Tyler, after that I also lost 2 great uncles and a 30 year old cousin with down syndrome and a 14 year old cousin in an auto accident. The boys deaths touched me in a much deeper way. While I felt for my Uncles wives because they had to learn to live without their husbands, I also knew that my uncles had lived a long happy life. My cousin with Down Syndrome should have only lived to be 8 or 10. She led a long life for what they expected and she brought much joy to her family. My 13 year old cousin was upsetting, but more I felt so sorry for his mother, I knew how she felt, I knew the pain she was experiencing. We had a bond because I knew how she felt and that’s important.

    If you had asked me before October 12th what would be the worse thing that every happened to you, if I were able to answer honestly (so as not to hurt anyone else's feelings), I would tell you that losing this son would be the worse thing that could every happen to me. He was my soul mate, my hope for having grandchildren someday, the person I trusted the most, and the person who would take care of me when I get old. Losing him has brought me to my knees.

    I lost my mom, dad & boyfriend and WHAM, when my son died it knocked me off my feet. There is NO greater loss than loss of your child. I was so sad over my parents but they were older and I knew it was coming. My child was missing for 2 wks.and found drowned so I felt so traumatized for a very long time. It's something you can't explain to those who haven't lost a child.

    I've lost three children. My 11 month old daughter, Michelle died in 1968, my 2 1/2 year old son, Jerry died in 1970 and my 29 year old disabled son, Danny died in 2000. I've, also, lost my grandparents, aunts, uncles, a niece, and my father and none of these come anywhere close to the pain and emptiness that the deaths of my children brought me. When my father died, I grieved, I cried, I felt the loss but I also expected to outlive my father. No parent EVER expects to outlive their child. How were the deaths of my children different from my other losses...when my children died, part of me died. Where my heart once was, there was only emptiness. I cannot even begin to put into words the devastation, hopelessness, and despair that comes with the loss of a child.

    the first thing that I would like to say, is this the day my son died was the worst day of my life, and that was 16 almost 17 years ago, My life altered drastically. i have always loved my children very fiercely but more so since my lil angel drifted in and out of my life! i have felt that since that day there will never be enough time to love my children enough for a lifetime! (i get side tracked sorry this is a very strong point for me so if i ramble please understand!) I would say that i have experienced other losses personal ones my parents, uncles and aunts grandparents, and an ultimate tragedy for me came in 1995 i am from Oklahoma City, i had loved ones in the murrah building the day it was destroyed! a small cousin who turned 1 the day before it happened, and many family friends! those deaths saddened me, and i grieved for them as anyone would, and i can honestly say that I was able to let go of those the way it has been suggested you do your son. But my son was taken from my heart and my soul! and i cannot say that i was never the same person ever after that, you said something about wondering if you were normal, that question i can answer, there is never a normal to be after your child dies, and that is the simple truth, i have not been able to define normal since my baby died, and i have a definition that i have come up with, " a normal day since the day my son died consists of crying for what was and what should have been, as well the deep pain that slices my heart as i see others expecting a new baby in there lives, the hurt when iam told i need to buck up and move on with my life, the sorrow that invades every waking moment every sleeping moment! there is no time limit in grief, there is no right way or wrong way to miss your child, it is more then anyone should ever bear, but until they have walked a mile in our shoes who are they to say what we should do or not do! to me that is my normal! to me my tears and anguish have lessened, over the years yes, but moments arrive, and events as in anniversary of dates, i have spent 16 years with out my angel and any one who can say any different, has never lived a moment in our hearts with the knowledge we will not have one more day! until we go to heaven our selves! and that is what normal in a grieving mothers heart is to me!

    By Far the death of my son has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I feel it is different because a parents is supposed to see their child grow up.. A child is supposed to bury their parents not the other way around. It is not natural for a child to die. People don’t know how to act toward you so they either ignore you say something that really hurts because they no - one could ever possibly know the pain of losing a child unless they experience it.

    I lost my father whom I was very close to suddenly at the age of 14 (heart attack)I was a daddy's girl and I didn't have the zest for life after that as I once had had. I was still playing with dolls until the day he died, that night when he was supposed to come home from work my Aunt burst into my room and blurted out your dad's dead, he died at 5:30 tonight at work, it was only 6:30 and time stood still....I put up my dolls and grew up in one split second. My childhood was over, God took daddy home and left me why???I wanted to go to. I then started failing in school I didn't care anymore, I ended up dropping out by age 15 and getting married the first time at 16 1/2 years old I was divorced by age 19. Was an unwed mother by age 20. I never thought I could feel so much pain. Got married again at age 21 still married today. One month before Russell and Jimmy's accident my dad came to me in a dream, it had been 23 years since my dad had gone and he was sitting there talking to someone, laughing and I said to my husband there's my dad, I slowly walked up to him and said daddy he said yes (like he had never left me) can I sit on your lap? He said sure you can honey and I sat on his lap and I cryed and cryed and said daddy I've missed you so much. I awoke from that dream crying real tears. I kept thinking it was like he was waiting for someone, little did I know it was my Russell. When Russell went to be with my dad I could not believe how much more pain I felt. Atleast 100 times more, 100 being tops on the pain chart. I can't believe I am still here, still going on this earth and I know I have to until God calls me home because of my other kids. I have grown in God to a mature understanding unlike the one I had when my dad went to be with the Lord. I know Russell is fine in Heaven though I still live with the pain of both of them being gone, God knows our pain, we are allowed to claim it, he gave it to us, it is now part of who we are, Gods own mother Mary felt this pain UNTILL she saw Jesus rasied from the dead to life, our kids, well we have to wait to see them again, so we live with the pain as MARY did until we a reunitied with them again.

    I think loosing my babies were the worst. My grandmother (who I was very close to) passed away in July of 1997, it was very hard but I know that at least she lived her life and enjoyed it. My babies will never be able to live their lives like my grandmother did.

    I have lost alot of people in my life...but NOTHING compares to the loss of my son. It is not normal to have a child die before you...you expect to loose your parents, grandparents, siblings, husband etc. There is no loss that comes close to loosing a child, in my opion.

    Kaitlyn's death is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. She was not planned in fact I was trying to get out of the abusive relationship with her father when I found out I was pregnant, but she was the most precious gift and changed my life with her birth.