Why have I spent so much time on this site?

Celebration of Michael's Life!

What others say about Michael!

What happened to Michael

A MUST for anyone wanting to know how we feel!

Grief & Helps

More on Grief

My journey of tears

My Child has Neurofibromatosis

For me

I want to Laugh & Dance

Message from dad

Little sister, "best buds"

Poems by Grandma,

Poem by sister

I started writing our story

Youth for Christ Camp

Friends in Heaven

When Michael was young

Kitty wants to tell you something, Michael


My bio

Are we killing our children?

I would love an e-mail

or can sign a guest book


Gifts given to me, thankyou!

What people have said about this site

Long overdue Thank You's


    There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under heaven:
    a time to be born and a time to die,
    a time to weep and a time to laugh,
    a time to mourn and a time to dance
    Eccl 3:1-2, 4,
    I was just looking at this verse and wondered...
    Is it a coincidence that...
    born is before die,
    that weep is before laugh,
    that mourn is before dance?
I Want To Laugh!! I'm Ready to Dance

but you may not be ready yet.
If your still in the first year and a half you may not be prepared for this page.
You are not ready to Laugh... sorry to say.
You have to cry a lot more before you get ready to laugh.
But for me this spring coming up...
I feel it is my spring... my sunlight and warmth that will help me heal the next step I have just entered.
I Want (Love) to Laugh Ha Ha Ha Ha
Loud and long and clear
I Want (Love) to Laugh Ha Ha Ha Ha
So every body can hear
the more I laugh Ha Ha Ha Ha
the more I fill with glee,
the more the glee Ha Ha Ha Ha
the more I'm a merrier me
one of my favorite scenes in Mary Poppins is where Ed Wynn laughs so much he starts floating in the air.
Would that not be wonderful?

  • Patricia, My happy days far outnumber the sad days. It took me a long while to reach that point but it did happen. I began to notice that I remembered more of the good times with Justin than I did the bad. The memories of his last month alive started fading to the back and the good memories took over. You have to allow yourself time. It won't happen quickly. It is a process that you work thru. Just like growing, so you grow into this new life of yours. You learn to do things without Michael. And then the time will come when you will be able to say "Wouldn't Michael just love this?" and you will say it with a smile instead of tears. G~, Forever Justin's Mama

  • Patricia, I am sorry to hear about your son. He died not too long ago. Things do get different when more time passes by. The sharp all consuming pain will fade. There will be a place and time for laughter and happiness, but in everything you do there is always the shadow of your grief. Your pain will be there like a scar, invisible for everybody to see. But sometimes the scar hurts so much. You never know when.

  • Patricia, Happiness is out there, it will come back to you. Mourning is such a vague word, there is no set amount of time that we feel so sad and depressed, there is no set amount of time that we avoid happiness because it just does not seem appropriate to laugh or have fun. Our angels do not want us to mope around and be sad all the time. They want us to be happy and go about living the rest of our lives just like we did before. WE know that we don't want to do that, it is just not right. I for one had a very hard time ever saying NO to my angels. I cannot say no to them now. I try to live each and every day as if it is my last one. I tell the people that I love "I love you", I try to bring a bit of happiness to everyone that I encounter in a day. There is only one way to get to the point of being able to feel happiness again. You have to make yourself find a reason to be happy. Yes, you will always miss your angel and wish they were with you. That will probably always be there. Remember the good times you had. Remember all your good memories. It is time to make some new memories to hold on to as you grow older. Your angel is no longer here with you, but YOU are here. Life goes on for you HERE. Life goes on for your angel ETERNALLY in HEAVEN. Do something for yourself. Do something that gives you joy. Take a look around you. Notice a deer in a field, a bird in a tree, a squirrel stealing food from your bird feeder, your puppy dog hogging your bed, your cat falling asleep on the top of your couch and losing her balance then trying to look "cool" as it hits the floor........ there is so much that goes on around you every day. I often sit at work and watch out my window and watch the squirrels playing, the beauty of a cardinal, or watching the rooster that seems to have adopted our office as it's new home. I know these are some of the little things I may not have noticed before, but I make an effort to notice "trivial" things now. It makes me feel better. I try to focus more on what I had than on what I lost. It is a tough transition of thoughts to make, and sometimes I backslide, but it can work. Not every day is a great day, but not every day is a bad day anymore either. Together, we can all find the sunlight again. Lean on us, we are here to help. Love Alberta
  • Alberta, what words you use, just melts my heart, you know it has been almost 2 years for me, i do not remember when i looked at something and thought oh that is pretty,unless it had something to do with Dustin or a momento to hold on too... ..I think it was this summer when i noticed the flowers the sky the moon and the whole planet, even now i am slowly seeing what i liked in my home, such as my decorations and all, but not sure i will ever replace them..........Cause it keeps Dustin near somehow... ........as beautiful as the shy is on a clear day cannot be nothing as beautiful as what our children see.............hope i make since and that Patricia can see what i am saying too......... i needed to hear that what you wrote for patrica,,,,,,,, it is hard with wonders and it is good to have ppl to lean on that know more than some about what takes place, but you are right, it is up to each one of us, grief works different on each of us, But I think Patrica is on her way to coping with the loss in her life, just because she knows that she would like to be happy again, and Patrica, sometimes like Alberta said, being nice to others and treating them like today is the last.......... ...if you make someone smile through your own pain and heart break, then you will fill that love all through you.... Melanie
  • I'm ever so ready for the joyful sunlight! God's Grace, Patricia bird
    I AM EVER SO READY TOO! I just don't think we can force it~ I try and be thankful for when someone makes me laugh, or the sun is shining and there is a comfort in the air. The days are rare but I try and treasure them when they come and hope that there are more good ones that sad ones down the road if I must stay~ Love In Christ, Dawn

  • Sunday March 02,2003

    I danced today, holding my little ones hands, we laughed as we swung around with faces of joy, eyes twinkling, out of my breath, falling on the floor, leaning on God's breath.
    Did I hear God whisper...

      "I love you my child, and I'm am taking good care of Your child."
      It's good to see you laugh and dance again.
      Did I not tell you joy comes in the morning?
      You didn't believe me when I told you there was a time to mourn and a time to dance.
      Did you notice that mourning came before dancing?
      My child you dance today for the first real time in your life.
      Enjoy... this is my gift to you....

      You will still mourn but you can now dance also...
      Sing and laugh this is my gift to you...
      Because... I love you my sweet child!"

    I had put music on to clean by and the first song came on
    I laughed at the tune , it was bright and gay so I grabbed my little ones hands.... and danced!
    We were dancing to "I'm diving in" by Steven Curtis Chapman
    I had never read the words before, here they are....
    Sent a chill over me when I read them!
    Come on let's go!
    There is a supernatural power in this mighty rivers flow.
    It can bring the dead to life
    And it can fill an empty soul
    And give a heart the only thing worth living
    and worth dying for, yeah
    But we will never know the awesome power
    Of the grace of God
    Until we let ourselves get swept away
    Into this Holy flood
    So if you'll take my hand
    We'll close our eyes and count to three
    And take the leap of faith

    Come on lets go!

    I'm diving in.
    I'm going deep,
    in over my head I want to be
    Caught in the rush,
    lost in the flow,
    in over my head, I want to go,
    The river's deep
    the river's wide,
    the river's water is alive.
    So sink or swim,
    I'm diving in!

    If you tell me God dosen't care about how we feel, I'll never believe you!!