Click here to listen to Carry Me High by Rebecca St. James...(3.6 megs)


A MUST for anyone wanting to know how we feel!
Answers to the Survey on Grief

My journey of tears

What others say about Michael!

What happened to Michael

Celebration of Michael's Life!

Grief & Helps

How I lost weight... it works!

Why have I spent so much time on this site?

My Child has Neurofibromatosis


My biography

Fun biography

Message from dad

Little sister, "best buds"

Poems by Grandma,

Poem by sister

Youth for Christ Camp

When Michael was young

Kitty wants to tell you something, Michael

I want to Laugh & Dance


Are we killing our children?

More on Grief

Friends in Heaven

For me

I started writing our story

I would love an e-mail


Gifts given to me, thank you!


What people have said about this site

Long overdue Thank You's


Till you find something worth dying for,  your not really living...

Waking up as if from a bad dream, found I lost myself for the last 5 years that my son died. Filling out the following page actually helped me come back... you might want to do it also...

For Drawings of Alan Rickman go to pattybird.comFor Drawings of Alan Rickman go to pattybird.comFirst... for all you who have come in search of drawings of Alan Rickman... click here I have him as Seveous Snape and the Sheriff of Nottingham. He has the originals but if you are interested in prints let me know.

What would you do if you could do anything? ... travel over seas and see all of Europe. Spend months there painting, photographing, exploring all the beautiful scenery, people, artwork and architecture. Oh... and maybe meet a favorite actor.....

Favorite Music?... love classical music (especially in the morning or when schooling the kids). Beethoven, Mozart, Vivaldi, Leclair, Handel, Bach...beautiful music!.. also love hard Christian rock. I love almost every kind of music (well except for that twangy country)... there isn't a type of music that God didn't intend for his creation to enjoy. It's the lyrics that can make a song so very undesirable.

Favorite Song?... "We Live" by Super Chick.  
great song, great lyrics, great music!
Starts out about a mother loosing a son...
(1.36 megs cut from song)
So what do we do then with tragedy around the bend?
We live... we love
We forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
Today we remember to live and to love

And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders
And wake up and live the life we're supposed to take up
Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living

2nd favorite song..."Beauty From Pain" by Super Chick.
This is an album worth having! Lots of great songs!
(3.02 megs cut from song)
After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
.... Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
I wonder why God let me walk through this place
.... And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes ...

3rd favorite song..."Held" by Natalie Grant

Favorite artist?... have two... Michelangelo and Leonardo da Vinci. Leonardo was brilliant! Michelangelo did the best people. my favorite is the Pieta... remarkable how he proportioned her to make it so she could hold a full grown man... but not look ill proportioned.

Favorite Book?... "The Bible" the book I would ask for if could only have one. It is also the one read most.
...after that there are soooo many!

"You can't get a cup of tea big enough
or a book long enough to suit me."
C. S. Lewis (me too Jack!)

C.S. Lewis and Tolkien's books are favorites..."The Screwtape Letters", "A Grief Observed", "Mere Christianity"... great books!
(now... if you are a bereaved parent you already understand that comprehension skills are hindered so for the last 5 years I went back to children books mainly, leaving the working at realizing what I read to the two books above.

The "Harry Potter" Series have become a big favorite. I had shunned Potter books... hearing so much bad press against them but then decided to read them to see if it all was true...Reading at our houseFound there was nothing of real witchcraft or satanic about them at all. In fact they actually are writings that can show our faith and God's love and forgiveness...
I was smitten right away. .... so if you are hearing bad things against them then read them for yourself.
J. K. Rowling has followed in J.R.R. Tolkien, footsteps....

I love "A Series of Unfortunate Events"... they are not so ...everything ends so pretty and wrapped up in pink ribbons.

Also enjoyed reading Douglas Adams' books... all the "Hitchhikers Guide" and "Dirk Gently". If you can get through the radical atheist (now, he would say my take would be radical theist.. but using a slight deviation of his quote... "The Bible is definitive. Our projected reality is frequently inaccurate." If he is right... nothing happens.. if the Bible is right...
Douglas is not a happy man at this moment.) take on everything and just enjoy the writings his books are witty and a lot of fun.
(the new "Hitchhikers Guide" movie is horrible! Erroneous story line and bad casting (except Marvin's voice) ruins it. However the one done by the BBC is good. Of course Arthur Dent is excellent... Douglas modeled the character after Simon Jones)

Favorite Authors?... C. S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien, are two favorites. Enjoy Charles Williams also but his are a little on the strange side. Bobie and Brock Thoene are great too. They are a husband and wife team that write historical fiction. But after a ways into each of their many series they get a little frustrating because things always seem to work out... just can't see that happening

Favorite Actor?.... Have more than one (of course)...
(good guy) Mel Gibson
and (villain) Alan Rickman.
I like Mel for not only his great acting and beautiful face but he has put out some great movies.
Alan Rickman as Sheriff of Nottingham Love Alan Rickman's black velvet voice... also he's such an excellent actor... (and he has this fantastically hard but fun face to draw) For review of Dogma Click Here
He plays such a classy villain you end up cheering the bad guy on.
He also plays a very good a comic fantasy. However cannot recommend some of his movies.

I have drawn several pictures of Alan Rickman.
If you would like to see the two favorites click here for art site.

Favorite Actress?.. Julie Andrews and Lucille Ball, all time favorites.

As Alice
the best little actress around


Favorite Theater Actress?.. Kitty Bird.    The young rising new
As High Pharisee, the youngest actor in the play, had big part actress... okay... she's my daughter but she is quite the little actress and has a great singing voice. (Give her a microphone and put her in front of a large audience and she is a very happy young lady.)
UpDate: Click here to hear Kitty sing "I Am The Voice" age 11.(she is actually an alto)
the best little actor around
UpDate: Favorite Up and Coming Young Actor?.. Christian Bird Here is his audition for Diary of A Wimpy Kid
Favorite Movie?... "RiverDance"(the dancing is so beautiful it makes me cry), "The Lord of the Ring" Series. "Mission" w/Robert DeNiro, "Sense and Sensibility". "Phantom of the Opera". Shakespeare Movies with "Hamlet" being my favorite .   Majority of movies I guess the endings or what is coming up... love it on the rare occasion that I am surprised. (Same with books)
Oh... and also... just love a good spoof... "Galaxy Quest" and "Mystery Men" are hilarious and great movies!
((Just watched the best movie! "Guess Who" Has now become a favorite!))

Favorite TV show?... Don't watch TV... get news over the net and anything we want to watch we get from the Library. click here to see more artTV just isn't worth having anymore.
click here to see more art
Favorite Pastime?... Playing with the kids and reading to them. (and to wind down at end of day...playing spider solitaire... running a consistent mid to upper 90s%..) and Sudoku...the only math I like!

click here to see more art Favorite Hobby?... well... trying to make it my lively hood... Art work. I love to draw and do photography. But wanting to pick the subjects doesn't always pay well...

click here to hear me on the flute Also love to play my flute (teaching it for 30 years).. Playing "Mary Did You Know" Live with accompaniment
This is from my first solo time in front of a large audience since my son's death...
or "Mary Did You Know" just me in front of the computer

and just got a piccolo for Christmas...(Thanks Kelli)... also play my clarinet and violin...(but you may not want to hear me play the violin quite yet...) I can play any instrument by ear.
Professor Snapeclick here to see more art

Any talents?... see above..... ( also love to sing but the only ones who think I am talented in that area are my kids... aren't kids great!)

Favorite Color?... Dark Blue

What is your Eye color?... Irish green to go with the strawberry blond hair

20 roses to represent 20 years of Michael's life Favorite Flower?... Roses.... (love them alive on plants... stopped liking cut roses when Michael died... guess anything dying bothers me.)

Favorite Food?... Cheese Cake and Baklava (okay their not in the food groups but still...) Lamb Gyro favorite real food!

Coffee or Tea?... For a Great Cup of Tea Hot Tea, but won't pass up a real cappuccino with freshly ground hazel nut.
~*~*~click here for How to make a Great Cup of Tea the British way!
Also where you can order some~*~*~

Like to collect?... Adore pretty tea cups. There are 5 lovely tea cups that I love to use when enjoying a good cup of Lady Grey, Green, or Jasmine. For a night cup Lapsang Souchong.

Lancealot Red or White Wine?... White

Favorite Pet?... Cocker Spaniel Princess(has to have a good personality... maybe one that won't bite the mailman!)
However own a Burmese catSeverus and her baby Severus at this time.

What do you like to do when no one is looking?... Dance in the rain.

What is unusual about yourself?... would be that so many rare and unusual things happen to me... any one want to challenge me on the rare things that happen to them e-mail me... please... I can't be the only person that can be like this! ...From my son dying of a rare cancer to well....small example...most people get stung by a bee when picking apples... but nooo... my finger still hurts from the unusual green worm with poisonous spikes 3 days ago.. (I just might start recording them all... BTW... not all are bad...)

Jessica's Tattoo I made her Do you have any tattoos?... Nope..., have designed some for my daughters. One was a set of angle wings with Michael's name and dates in it. Jessica has it on her back. I would like to have a very small dragonfly on my shoulder and 4 very small butterflies maybe on a vine of roses on my ankle.

Favorite item of clothing?... My son's black leather jacket, Gave a lot of his clothes away but kept this for myself, he loved it. I love the color black for clothes, guess because I am such a light gold color.

Favorite sport to watch?... Figure Skating (Quidditch is the only other sport like to watch... love the computer graphics)

Favorite amusement ride?... Roller coasters! Batman at Six Flags!

What do you feel is an important quality to posses?... .Honesty and Integrity

What you dislike most?... lies... I Hate being lied to!!!!
also... hate it when people do things in God's name but it's really pure selfishness and their motives have nothing to do with God or His love... it gives Christians a bad name. ...Oh, And the lies from the liberal media that are consistently being poured out daily.

Favorite Thing to Talk About?... The Bible, NOT religion!
( For religion is mans attempt to reach God and has been used to manipulate and kill.. to the point of nailing Jesus Christ to the cross... to the destruction the Koran has inflicted on so many)Surah 2:190-193 ...but... GOD's Word...and what Jesus has done for me... here to hear more

Also ... love to talk about what is going to happen in the 7th book of the "Harry Potter" Series...Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows I think Severus Snape was told he had to protect Draco even at the cost of killing Dumbledore. That the argument Snape had with the headmaster was over Snape not wanting to go Severus Snape protecting the studentsthrough with it. Dumbledore gave his life to save Malfoy. Even when Snape was running off grounds he was protecting Potter and trying to teach him to close his mind and work on his silent spells.I would love to see Snape having a part in destroying the Dark Lord. Sure hope Joanne doesn't kill off Snape in the last book. If she is going to kill off 2 people I think that it would be something for Ron to give his life for Harry, giving Harry the split moment needed to kill the Dark Lord.

Update July 23, 07...
Well... J.K. stayed true to Severus Snape. But I hated to see him die... he was my favorite character. I watched his non-glory seeking selfless bravery all throughout the books. Only clue I will give is a quote by Harry 19 years after Voldemorts duel. His first born was teasing his second born about ending up in Slytherin :
You were named for 2 headmasters of Hogwarts. One of them was a Slytherin and he was probably the bravest man I ever knew.

J.K. does a fabulous job with her seventh book Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows tying all the books together.

What you would like to have more time to do?... talk on the net to my bereaved parents support group. ( check it )       I help out when can and have a few that keep in touch with but just don't have the time I would like to give people who ask for help. The reason for this site... so maybe people can find a little something that can help. God knows it is a hard place to be... a parent who is trying to figure out why their child left the earth before them....

baby brother Where do you like to go most ?(besides church)... I take the kids to the public library every week. They have an excellent weekly program and it is a great time for me to relax and chat with good friends.

What plans for the future?... Put the kids in private school, (been home schooling since mid 80's) ... work hard as an artist... hopefully become well known and financially self-sufficient.

Oh... and... little my brother(2 years younger than me) would like me to train and compete with him. He is a Champion natural body builder...
( I have now began .... believe me it's hard work but I'm starting to look better)

Up date Jan 2012... at that time we were doing so much better because my husband had gotten a job in another state, and we hardly saw him, I knew at that time he was abusive, however I thought he would change and that somehow I was the one responsible for how he was acting. I have a video of him at this time that shows how weird his thinking was.
I so very very much wish there had been someone to help me and the kids at this time,someone who understood what abuse does to families, to the victims. How horrible the twisted thinking warps everything. How much damage it does and how that damage last many lifetimes......

Now I want to read all about You !!!   Make a page like this on your site or e-mail me and let me know what you are interested in.... have fun (your child would want you to)!

  Superchic[k] - We Live
From the album Beauty From Pain

Theres a cross on the side of the road
Where a mother lost a son
How could she know that morning he left
Would be the last time shed trade with him for a little more time
So she could say she loved him one more time
And hold him tight
But with life we never know
When were coming to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend?

Chorus: (2 xs)
We live... we love
We forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
Today we remember to live and to love

There is a man who waits for the tests
To see if the cancer has spread yet
And now he asks, so why did I wait to live till it was time to die?
If I could have the time back how Id live
Life is such a gift
So how does this story end?
Well this is your story and it all depends
So dont let it become true
Get out and do what we were meant to do

Chorus: (2 xs)

Waking up to another dark morning
People are mourning
The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day is a gift somehow someway
So get our heads up out of the darkness
And spark this new mindset and start to live life cuz it aint gone yet
And tragedy is a reminder to take off the blinders
And wake up and live the life were supposed to take up
Moving forward with all our heads up cuz life is worth living

Chorus: (3 xs)

(8 megs) Superchic[k] ~Beauty From Pain
From the album Beauty From Pain

The lights go out all around me
One last candle to keep out the night
And then the darkness surrounds me
I know I'm alive
But I feel like I've died

And all that's left is to accept that it's over
My dreams ran like sand through the fists that I made
I try to keep warm but I just grow colder
I feel like I'm slipping away

After all this has passed
I still will remain
After I've cried my last
There'll be beauty from pain
Though it won't be today
Someday I'll hope again
And there'll be beauty from pain
You will bring beauty from my pain

My whole world is the pain inside me
The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God let me walk through this place

And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how You've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames


Here and I am at the end of me(at the end of me)
Trying to hold to what I can't see
I forgot how to hope
This night's been so long
I cling to your promise there will be a dawn



Natalie Grant - Held
From the album Awaken

Two months is too little
They let him go
They had no sudden healing
To Think That Providence
Would take a child from his mother
While she prays, is appalling

Who told us wed be rescued
What has changed and
Why should we be saved from nightmares
Were asking why this happens to us
Were asking...
Who have died to live, its unfair

This is what it means to be held
How it feels, when the sacred is torn from your life
And you survive
This is what it is to be loved and know
That the promise was when everything fell
Wed be held

This hand is bitterness
We want to taste it and
Let the hatred numb our sorrows
The wise hand opens slowly
To lilies of the valley and tomorrow


If hope is born of suffering
If this is only the beginning
Can we not wait, for one hour
Watching for our Savior

Chorus: (2Xs)

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