Click here to listen to Rebecca St.James...(3 megs)


Celebration of Michael's Life!

What others say about Michael!

What happened to Michael

A MUST for anyone wanting to know how we feel!

Grief & Helps

My journey of tears

Why have I spent so much time on this site?

My Child has Neurofibromatosis

My biography

Fun biography

Message from dad

Little sister, "best buds"

Poems by Grandma,

Poem by sister

Youth for Christ Camp

When Michael was young

Kitty wants to tell you something, Michael

I want to Laugh & Dance


Are we killing our children?

More on Grief

Friends in Heaven

For me

I started writing our story

I would love an e-mail


Gifts given to me, thankyou!


What people have said about this site

Long overdue Thank You's


Up date...Jan 4, 2012... My life changed recently, I now see what I could not because of years of lies leveled at me daily. I was married to a verbal abuser. He was hurt from childhood and because he never worked through it brought it into our lives. It started after Michael died, when I couldn't be the way he wanted me to be, because of my grief. It became more horrible than loosing my son from cancer. It did more damage to myself and my children than the death of a precious loving son and brother.
It's been 6 months since we had to have him removed from our home, Our lives have improved immensely. I never want to experience anything so horrible ever again.

A little about me... Michael's mom

Born July '60 and grew up in Kansas and Missouri. My father, being a college professor, brought me up with a love for the classics. Because of the availability of wonderful art books in my home I grew up drawing after the masters as a child. Drawing and painting were my loves. I became a popular teenager due to my artistic ability, being on TV and News for illustrating a kids book for the Kansas Highway Patrol and for winning the "Outstanding Youth of the Year Award" for Topeka's Optimist club in '77 along with other awards. The High school art teachers said I had the most talent of anyone in school. I had great plans....

The best-laid plans of mice and men...We moved....
I had such wonderful dreams of being a world famous artist. The talent was there! I was headed to college. My dad took me up to see colleges but when it came time to go to one... my money 'strangely' disappeared.
Then this guy came along who wouldn't stop asking me out. He was the least handsome guy I had ever gone out with and not my type. But after weeks of his asking me out...this stupid young lady said okay. My dad jumped in about that time with his persistent "encouraging" (now my dad didn't care for this kid he just wanted me out of the house... my oldest brother was getting married, so if I was gone it meant only one mouth to feed. Being an obedient child and with my father yelling at me that I had to get married...) ... well ... my marriage was a nightmare from the beginning . The wedding day ('78) was awful and so began 16 years with an alcoholic man who was no more than an abusing piece of furniture.

Charity & Jess

My first child, Charity, was born in '79, Michael in '80 and Jessica came along in '84.

I became vice president of the local art league after being asked several years to be president. At this time I was also leader of the Cass County Home Educators, 1st flute in a local orchestra, teacher at a local art studio and private flute instructor. Also had a chance to take some Seminary classes, something I enjoyed immensely.

Valentines Day '95 that guy left us. A few weeks later we celebrated and when he wanted to come back 3 months later... No Way!

New Daddy Free at last... started to college... I was soooo excited... okay it was just a community college but Kitty and Christianit was a college and so much fun! Got 2 semesters of art in before meeting Mr Computer and had a life threatening pregnancy... so ended my college experience. (Update: The man sleeping in the picture has been my worst nightmare. He has major mental problems. I found about the mental problems right before he had him removed from the home. The two darling children sitting on the white lace bench have had a lot of emotional healing since he vacated our home 2011. It's been a hard battle but I am so very proud of them. And I am proud of myself. I am getting my mind back after what his terrorists tactics did to me. I am working on us becoming what intended us to be, the kids and I. We will make it.)

But I had 2 of the most beautiful children, Katherine Chantelle (Kitty for short) '96 and Christian Mitchell '98.
Perfect artist and photographer's dream models!

April in 2001 my oldest son's back starts hurting. Life changed again. September of that year my son died of a rare, extremely painful, and aggressive cancer.

I had always been told there is nothing harder than loosing a child... I now know from personal experience.

In 2004 heartache turned into It is a place where bereaved parents can go to find others who have similar experiences or are in their general area.

April 2005... just now getting back into life. Kit and me I home school my little ones and work at our computer home business. Have two beautiful grandchildren that I get to watch, so my younger children get to see them every week. Joined a community orchestra, and started back into art and photography.
Ready to live again... although there will always be a sadness in my heart, but Michael would not want me to waste my life.
(I tried Michael, I really did, however there was a force fighting against the children and I, one that was supposed to be fighting for us, supporting us, comforting us.)

Robin January 2006... Life is much easier now. The deep sadness is gone and have been able to get back into drawing. Just put up the new page... Debra"he's my son"... and of course that led to tears but these are the few since September. Figure that month will always be a time for tears.
The week before Christmas while backing up photos I ran across a picture I took of a little girl in a hat, she looked so cute a passion to draw her filled me. Annie
Now let me brake in for an explanation.... I have not been able to draw anyone since Michael's death... have tried... however they always turned out wrong. Also been trying to illustrate a children book but had the same results.
Well.... I drew her... then drew more... and more: a total of 15 people the week before Christmas! It was so cool! I was back!
We went to my in laws in Alabama and drew 5 more faces. ... It's Jan 21 and now have done more than 30 and the last three are more complicated. I am soooo thrilled!
Been told it takes 5 years to bring normality back into ones life... well it is January 11 2006 and between 4 and 5 years and things are better.

      There is hope! There really is!

(Check out to see my newest artwork.)

March 28 06

December 2006           WooHoo!!!
My hubby got a job as in house programmer for Tyson Foods. We moved to NorthWest Arkansas. Now if anyone had told me I would love Arkansas I would have laughed at them. but.... It is not at all what I thought Arkansas would be like! It is sooo beautiful here. There are many companies here that have brought in a large and growing economy. The people are great here and being that it really is God's is a much safer community.
Well don't have much time to write... I have soooo much unpacking to do... I feel like the mom in "The Incrediables" who say's "We are offically moved in... I just unpacked the last box" (after they had lived there 4 years)

(update, This was supposed to be a wonderful thing, but it became a nightmare when KennethBird turned our lives upside down. He made me stop doing art, from that time to the time I got him removed from our home for attacking me in front of someone, I have done very little art. I am now in college and have just started blooming again! I thank God everyday that Ken and his abuse was removed from our everyday lives!)

Waking up as if from a bad dream, found I lost myself for the last 5 years. Filling out the following page actually helped me come back... you might want to do it also... Click Here....

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