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Cramming for GriefWork 101 It is now February 07, It seems a very long time since I wrote last. I have been searching hard and working hard to get to that seemingly mystical place where I can smile most the time and think back on those loving memories of Michael. This morning I said to myself I have to get over this". Then I realized that was a totally unrealistic statement. It is a mountain to massive to get over, I have to tunnel through, go through, I think that means a lot of hard work and I have to stop pretending I am fine, that my world is great, because it is not. Yes I have wonderful children and a good husband who has now given me permission to grieve. Oh what a wonderful gift that was. He told me that I had every reason to be depressed! and he said it with emotion. He meant it. That was what I needed so much. Since then my heart feels like a burden was lifted, I feel real healing is now starting, I was only getting that kind of total acceptance without criticism from my friends on the net and strangers I met at Wal-Mart who knew Michael or had experienced a loss. I have friends at church that care about me but they seemed to want me to hurry up and feel better. Yes they don't want me to hurt, but I don't think they know that I have to hurt to get through this horrible loss. I never understood before Michael died I was naive, oh I wish I still was, but that is not reality. I do know... I know things that no mother should ever know. I feel things that no mother should ever have to feel That's reality OK, now what? That's what I am finding out. I am reading books by those who have gone through it, not only reading but studying! cramming for the course "griefwork 101". Back to My journey of tears Next to "What Grief Counselors are Told"